"Please give me your horse"

This morning I opened my email to find an inquiry about the yearling I have online for sale.  Let me just say, it’s 8:30am, I am NOT a morning person, I’m sitting in a classroom waiting for my class to start, I’m PMS-ing, and in a generally shitty mood. 

If the writer of this email sees this, I apologize, but I'm going to crucify you here.  I'm sure you didn't MEAN for your email to come across the way that it did, but I get about three of these a week, they annoy the shit out of me, and you happened to have the misfortune to email me when I needed a good blog topic.  Please don't take it personally.  

This is what I got the privilege of receiving this morning, and I swear, only from Craigslist do I get this kind of crap:

Hi, I am a good, educated home in (removed), MI with lots of references.  I raise mini horses currently but miss a riding horse.  Keep me in mind if you are looking for just a good home and I do have 25 bales of 1st cutting hay I can trade for her.  We do some therapy work here and would love to have a youngster to bring up.  Thanks, (Name removed to protect the innocent)

PS I know you are asking a reasonable amount for her but I can be a backup, since economy is tough and we do our own hay and have a nice, safe place for horses here.

The first mistake made here was A) This writer can’t punctuate or use grammar correctly.  If you can’t punctuate, how can I expect you to be able to feed my horse?  Punctuation is obviously vitally important in my gauging your ability to properly raise a foal.  (Totally kidding on this one, but seriously?)  B) 25 bales of LAST YEAR’S 1^st cutting?  Wow, that’s generous of you, especially considering the horse you emailed about a horse that has a $500 price tag.  That must mean you’re getting $20 a bale?  Shit, that hay must be worthy of ME eating it for that price!  Let me jump right on that one!   You raise your own hay, but only have 25 to spare to offer on trade?  How are you going to feed this mare?  C) You do therapy work, so a coming yearling is something you want inexperienced people to raise?  What’s wrong with your miniatures?  I have the utmost respect for those that do real, beneficial therapy work, but I’ve never heard of a therapy program asking for a youngster.  I’m sure it happens, but something about that sounds a little fishy to me.

I’m aware the economy is “tough”.  But nowhere in my ad does it say this little mare “must go”, or is in any danger of becoming homeless or unfed.  I have no problem whatsoever getting pretty nice prices for REALLY NICE horses, so maybe the economy is “tough” for you, lady, but don’t dig yourself a BIGGER hole by telling me you’re essentially broke (but you do your own hay and can only offer 25 bales?), but that she’ll have a safe place.  She has a safe place now. 

I really don’t mind helping people out when the need arises.  But someone admitting my prices aren’t unreasonable, but yet STILL wanting me to give them the horse for some reason infuriates me.  It’s like you’re flat-out saying, “You should GIVE me this horse because I want it.”  Well great.  I want your house/car/husband; you should just GIVE it to me then, right?  If you’re going to ask someone to give you something like a horse, at least have the damn decency to call.  If you can’t even take the time out of your day to make a phone call, don’t expect me to jump at the opportunity.  Nothing pisses me off quite like someone who has decided that even though I PAID for the horse and have paid for its upkeep etc., they’re going to ask me to eat ALL of those expenses and give the horse to them, because they want it. 

I had to pay for it, so should you.  There’s a reason it has a $500 or more price tag: to weed out idiots and the morons wanting handouts, although I’m beginning to think I need to have $3000 yearlings just to prevent this kind of nonsense.  I don’t care if you have “lots of love” to provide, love doesn’t feed a horse.  But then again, your references might totally change my mind…