Let's Breed Stuff!

Why do people feel that just because they own a mare, they should force it to reproduce?  I’m sure many a horse-enthusiast has asked this question, and I’m sure there are countless answers like “Well look at her color!”  Yeah?  Can you ride a color?  If so, please teach me.  Never mind the fact that she’s a sickle-hocked, ewe-necked catastrophe with no known bloodlines or performance record (actually, she’s not even broke at all), SHE HAS SPOTS!  WE MUST IMPREGNATE HER! 

My favorite kind of pretend-breeder are those Craigslist idiots who promote their stallion that has no performance record, awful conformation, no registration papers, but good LORD is he gentle and wonderful (only because we let him bone anything he can stick his manjunk into as often as he wants, so he’s too tired to be a jerk)!  One of my favorite semi-local stallion ads reads as follows (and I’m quoting this directly from the owner’s page, solely to prove my point):

“Currently Standing at Stud. accepting reg and grade mares. soon to be double reg. pending APHA registration

Romeo is a Beautiful boy, he is the most willing partner you will find. temperment is a 2 out of 10 all day long, with mares in heats, or other stallions.

he is pastured with another stallion and geldings. with no problems EVER.

Message me if your interested.”

I don’t know WHY mare-owners aren’t clamoring to let this horse stick his wang in their mare!  His owner is obviously SUCH a responsible breeder, I mean, she’ll let him screw anything for a very nominal stud fee, registered or not, mare OR gelding!  There’s nothing I like more than a moron that makes grade junk foals for me to buy up six months later out of the kill pen because it came out a solid instead of the pinto they thought they’d get, or grew out of being the cute fuzzy baby they assumed would stay that way its entire life! 

After a little more research, I found a Craigslist ad from this SAME fine example of a horsewoman leasing out yet another unregistered stud:

“+2yr old. Gypsy Walker cross. Blue roan pinto stud colt. seems to be Gaited. For sale or Lease to approved homes only. Halter champion and learning to drive. not ready to ride yet. standing at stud. proven producer.

$75/lease monthly. and $1500 if bought.”

Winner.  Right there.  Let’s all take our mares to this broad.  Maybe our stud fees can buy her a few grammar lessons, because I’m sure she’s not going to use the money to GELD THE DAMN THINGS!

And then we have the pony breeders…not only are they not even remotely concerned with what their hormonal little dickhead of a stud might produce, they’re really just aiming to help him “prove himself a man”:

“Ariamis is 3 year old nice stallion

He needs to prove himself a man

Great confirmation easy to work with just a nice guy

We don't own a trailer,so the ladies need to come to us .

He is not registered

He is white and tan marked real pretty

Thanks for looking (Name removed to protect the stupid)

(419)XXX-XXXX”

This is the great Ariamis (I cut the head off of the kid in the picture so they can’t sue me, but the rest of the picture, including the lack of LEGS on the horse, is original):

God help us all….I cannot make this shit up.  People are REALLY this stupid, and they ALL own horses! 

In all of this, I do want to thank the responsible stallion owners out there (and I can think of about a dozen I know personally off the top of my head) who actually consider the offspring they might put their horse’s name on.  Thank you for not breeding to junk mares just to collect the stud fee.  Thank you for considering the life of that unborn foal in your decision to help create it.  Thank you for considering why that cross might not be in the best interest of everyone involved, and then turning away that particular mare so you DON’T produce yet another excess horse that will probably end up on its way to a slaughterhouse in a few years.  And thank you most of all for turning away dumbass mare owners who just want a baby to play with for 4 months.  Now could you please punch them in the back of the head on their way out the door?