"HORSE WANTED"

Saw this on a Facebook group I'm a part of today.  I really couldn't resist.  Call me a bitch, but I think mocking idiots like this is greatly amusing, and since I'm PMSing and slightly bitchy, I bet I'll feel better when I'm done.  


"i am looking for a kid safe beginner horse that can show western pleasure and speed classes at fun and 4h shows. I Have rode for many years and had a few baby's but my kids have never rode a horse by them selves before. if you have any thing or know of any thing please PM me back i am located in Mt Morris Michigan we have a big farm lots of turn outs and stalls we have 12 Harness race horses we spend every day many hours at the farm with our horses anyone would be welcome to come check out the horses new home as well as the condition and care of our other horses. We are a horse loving family looking to give the right horse or horses a happy home we are looking to spend under 1000.00 Must be sound and healthy"


Now I'm not going to include a name here, even though because it was posted on Facebook, her name was included just above the posting itself (way to tell publicly announce to everyone that can read your name that you're an idiot), but REALLY?!  Isn't the purpose of a "horse wanted" ad like this to essentially sell yourself to someone who owns that particular horse and is contemplating contacting you to possibly sell to you?  Wouldn't taking thirty seconds of your life to FUCKING PUNCTUATE your ad seem worthwhile?  Listen folks, grammar is your FRIEND.  I'm sure I sound like a 5th grade English teacher here, and I realize this woman is from Mt. Morris (which in itself explains quite a bit), but for the love of GOD, this is awful.  Personally, if I HAD the horse this particular woman was seeking (as I often do), I wouldn't be in ANY hurry to contact her, cash or not.  The grammar, lack of punctuation, and the fact that she says she has 12 race horses (and none that are retired from the track that they could have made into the horse they're looking for?) just rubs me the wrong way.  Why not ask around the track instead of resorting to Facebook?  Save a Standardbred's life perhaps and send it out to a trainer for $1000 worth of re-training?  


I wonder if this ad has worked out for her....I think I'm going to post my own pain-in-the-ass ad if so, just to see what kind of responses I can get.  I think it'll read something like this....


"I am looking for the perfect horse.  It must be 14.3-15.0 hands tall (and not a hair over), between the ages of 6 years and 4 months and 8 years and three months.  It also must walk, jog, lope (and be competitive at the world's level), carry a perfect headset at all times, be able to do college algebra, clean its own stall, and defecate diamonds and other precious gems.  Furthermore, it must not have any issues whatsoever, behavioral or otherwise, that could ever be viewed as undesirable by any person, be they knowledgable or not about horses.  I have a horse-loving family; they love looking at horses, but have never wanted to get dirty enough to actually TOUCH a horse, so this horse needs to be content living in a stall 23 hours a day and turned out by a groom for an hour a day so my family can look at it from a distance and admire it.  Not looking to spend more than $500, because you, as the seller, should be honored that I will consider taking your horse off of your hands and not concerned with monetary reimbursement."


Now granted, this would-be ad isn't quite as rough as the ad I found on Facebook, but I feel like this could work....who knows?  Maybe I'll make a new friend.  Let's just hope they're not from Mt. Morris.....